Have you ever been to therapy and found it didn't help at all? Maybe you thought it didn't help as much as you'd hoped? You left each session still feeling misunderstood, and now you're positive that you are simply beyond help. Before you go thinking that it's something you did, let me offer this.
For the past year my graduate program (Mental Health Counseling) has made a point for us to understand the importance of the “therapeutic relationship”. This is because it directly correlates with the outcomes of therapy, more than counselor experience, theoretical orientation, anything else really. It’s about 90% responsible for the outcome. The relationship between the counselor and client as perceived by the client is of paramount importance. The client needs to feel that the counselor is with them every step of the way. The client needs to feel not that they are being pushed from behind, pulled from in front, but simply that the counselor is beside them, wherever they choose to go.
Below you'll find the lyrics to a song that perfectly represents the therapeutic relationship from my perspective. Before you American Idol haters focus on who sings the song, know that the song was co-written by Drew Pearson and Greg Holden.
Home
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
If you tried to attend therapy and feel that you failed at it, or it failed you, try again. Try a different therapist. Give them minimum a month before deciding that you feel good about it or not, but if you don't, DON'T hesitate to try someone else. It's less about their experience, their theoretical orientation, or their gender. Nothing matters more to the outcome than the space between you two. That space should feel safe. That space should feel like a home.
