Butterflies, Alchemy, and Monday Morning Obligations

Are you waiting for me to start detailing all the woes of my Monday morning?  What about statistics on the most common day of the week for heart attacks to occur?  Not going to happen.  Sorry to disappoint, but you won't find that here - aka: Sorry I'm NOT sorry.
 

Butterflies

For those of you who did not know, I have Adult ADHD.  My biggest challenges in coping with it are time management, planning, and strategizing to reach goals. 
 
WARNING: small tangent ahead
Rated: PG
 
Please, PLEASE spare me any comments such as "Oh I have that too!" or "Tell me about it, I can't sit still!"  I don't ask this to be mean.  I simply want to communicate this: ADHD is not one symptom, some of the time, (i.e. sometimes I fidget in class, sometimes I can't focus, sometimes I get distracted).  It's also NOT something most people are happy/excited/bragging about, unless they've managed to work through the coping process and get their lives back in order. 

The reality for me is that even on medication, my ADHD almost got me kicked out of my Graduate School program.  

Butterflies continued...

For this reason, the first part of the day can be the most stressful for me.  What am I going to do today?  I have my list of things I need to do.  Here come the butterflies. What do I do while I'm waiting for the sun to come up?  Should I take a shower so I can leave right away?  Should I take a run first? More butterflies.  Will I have the energy to run later, if I don't do it now?!  

Monday Mornings

But it's not all negative, you see.  The other part is wondering which book I should pick up and what I should blog about!  How will I make a difference in the world today?!  The biggest Butterfly that visits me EVERY Monday morning is called, "So much to do, so little time." Where do I start? 

In the past, this Butterfly has rendered me helpless.  Analysis paralysis takes over and I spend the morning goofing off until 15 minutes before I need to leave the house.

The following is an excerpt from my latest book purchase, a "classic self-help book for adults with attention deficit disorder", aptly named You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!  I like this because it's an affirmation of sorts, (good food for your subconscious).  I can also use it to help me cope with my chronic illness on difficult mornings, of which there are many.  The ability to turn a bad morning into a good day should be considered a superpower, in my opinion! The quote is by Cathy Better of Reisertown, Maryland.

Each day that we wake is a new start, another chance.

 

Why waste it on self-pity, sloth and selfishness?

 

Roll that day around on your tongue, relish the taste of its freedom.

 

Breathe deeply of the morning air, savor the fragrance of opportunity.

 

Run your hands along the spine of those precious 24 hours

 

and feel the strength in sinew and bone.

 

Life is raw material.  We are artisans.

 

We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful,

 

or debase it into ugliness.

 

It's in our hands.

 



When I read this affirmation I think, "Ok! I can do this!  I decide that today is going to be a great day!"  Sounds easy, right?  Read a poem, save the world!

Alchemy

So this morning, as I politely told my Butterfly of Indecision to take a hike, I picked up The Alchemist**.  As usual, one of the first passages I read related to what I was dealing with at that very moment.

(He refers to the shepherd):
 
"He still had some doubts about the decision he had made.  But he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things.  When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

Wow.  So true. 

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings, I wake up at 4:30am, long before the sun rises.  I thoroughly enjoy being up to watch the sunrise, simply for the feeling it gives me.  It's empowering, signaling a fresh new day is here.  The sun coming up says to me, "The world is your oyster!  Now go make a difference today!  Choose to make today special!

Where do I start?  In the spirit of improving my time management skills, I have a list of weekly obligations to choose from.  Plenty of different types of activities.  But none of them seem like the best way to start such an important day!

Then the Universe hands it to me.

I think, "Hmm...I should write a blog post.  I really want to improve my writing and I love connecting with people on that level."  Then I look at the inside cover of the book. 

"To realize One's destiny is a person's only obligation." - from The Alchemist
 
SWEET!  The Universe just gave me permission to spend my morning blogging!  I know I sound like a nerd but blogging is not just typing randomly on a page.  Blogging and written communication remain two of my biggest challenges. They give me butterflies, as they're the type of challenge that get me locked-in, my heart racing, and my mind hyper focused.  Pretty awesome stuff.

What are YOUR Monday Morning Butterflies telling YOU? 

My intuition tells me there are two groups; people with Butterflies, and people without Butterflies. 

People with Butterflies are in the contemplation stage of change.  I just learned about this in class last week.  They are anxious/excited about something, but maybe not quite sure how to go about it, or unsure of what the next step is.  They do acknowledge that something needs to change, and as such are at the very least aware of a sense of unease.

People without Butterflies are in the pre-contemplation stage of change.  They don't believe there is a problem.  First step is admitting there's a problem, and they've yet to take that step.  Other people that fall into this category are those who have become comfortable being uncomfortable.  You know who I mean.  The ones who don't want help with their situation, they just want to bitch.


If YOU are lucky enough to be visited by these flirty fun creatures, do yourself a favor and listen to them.  Holy cow this is so Gestalt. If your Butterfly could talk, what would he/she say?

In closing, I'll leave you with the great words of a guy I met at a summer program, (GSP alum holla). As I waited to take my turn on stage and sing "Take My Breath Away" in front of over 500 people, I remember telling him, "I'm nervous! I have butterflies in my stomach!"

Though I don't remember his name, he said something I'll never forget.  This beautiful man said to me, "Then make them fly in formation."




Footnotes/Tangents
**The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho: One of three or four books I'm reading and listening to.#  I'd heard of it before, and decided to read it when I heard Will Smith (one of my soul mates) give a glowing description of it.  JSYK, the story is truly amazing for the person that is ready.

#@dhd@lert: I'm always reading more than one book.  Also, when I really want to absorb the material I will listen to the audiobook (because my strongest learning style is auditory) in addition to reading it.

I just want it to be over!

What did you do on March, 9 2014, a gorgeous Sunday afternoon in Knoxville, TN?


I woke up and packed up my cleaning supplies, jumped in the car and made my way the 45 minute drive to my old apartment.  Am I  moving out?  No, I have already moved out.  I'm going there to clean because the person I once thought was suitable for a roommate has broken so many rules that I'm getting hounded by my landlord and now threatened with eviction.  What could he possibly be doing there?  First our next door neighbor told me that there was an excess amount of dog poop in the backyard, in fact there was dog poop ON HER PORCH.


This is against the rules.  The grass beyond the concrete block of a back porch is owned/manned by a homeowners association.  Oh, I may have failed to mention that my complaining neighbor is THE PRESIDENT of said association.  I tell my roomie, and he goes on about what a c*** she is.  The woman has CANCER, y'all.  This person I'm living with is calling the neighbor names because she's bitching about dog poop while going through CHEMO.  I straight up asked him if he thought he might be bitchy when going through chemo, and he told me that he honestly could say no.  What an idiot.


Then, he got fined for trash.  After I moved out, he let the trash build up to an inordinate amount, "forgetting" to take it out the night before or morning of trash day.  Again, the back porch is a concrete slab that doesn't disguise overflowing trash. 


Why don't I live there anymore?  Besides the obvious,  I actually moved in with my boyfriend shortly after Christmas.  It's worked out well for me because it's in a much more quiet, country, rural area, which is much better for my heart condition and my sanity (both of which are closely intertwined).


Because I was still paying rent, I took my time getting my things out.  I went as fast as I could, but was struggling with constant shoulder dislocations and a jammed/sprained sacroiliac joint (aka butt joint and by far the most interfering joint I've injured yet).  Anyway, I still have a box or two of papers there, but it's all in a room they use for storage.


Who is "they"? I forgot to tell you that his girlfriend and girlfriend's sister moved in.  "They" are lovely girls who don't take responsibility for themselves or their situation, and have promised to pay me two months rent, only to ask me to talk to my Ex Roomie about money matters, when he has been late or non existent in paying me back since the first time I ever made the mistake of loaning him money.


Okay, so back to the beautiful Sunday.  My landlord told me that I was faced with eviction because my roommate had been fined $500 for smoking marijuana inside the house.  (The fine for trash was $700..? Any comments on that one?)  She even forwarded a letter from the Owner, kindly, graciously, and sincerely stating that he felt his house wasn't being respected and he, unlike what we may assume, is a working man to whom which an issue like bad renters is not simply a mere inconvenience.  Who could blame him!  I had told my rental manager that I would do everything I could to help, especially since our names were still legally tied. 


I thought, "Hey! If they evict us I won't have to deal with this crap anymore!"
The rental manager said it would result in fines, court fees, attorney fees, and paying the remainder of the lease.  Crap. Ok what can I do to make it right?


I'll go, have a talk with Ex-Ro and deep clean the apartment, including steam cleaning all the dog pee/crap stains (from his dog, his girlfriends dog, and the new not potty trained, undisciplined puppy they got shortly after I left).  This was my plan.


Here I am, one more day off before the week starts, on a gorgeous Sunday, and I'm spending my hard earned gas money and free time going to try and keep us from getting evicted (and me owing a ton of money).  I even missed lunch with my boyfriends mom.  We have it every Sunday and I sent my boyfriend along with my apologies.  I listened to forgiveness affirmations ON REPEAT the whole way down there, as I went through the different emotions of being pissed, to grumpy, to resentful, to tired.  At one point, I'm sure, my blood was boiling.


I got there, and lit some white candles before getting started.  The energy in that apartment is so stagnant negative, I always try to bring a candle with me when I go there.  (It raises the vibrations of the apartment, making it a more pleasant atmosphere to work in. 


I lit the candles and got started on the kitchen.  The girlfriend's dog was in the crate.  Ex-Ro's dog at and puppy were out and about, tearing stuff up.  The kitchen was so nasty, I felt overwhelmed just looking at it.  I remembered that on the drive down, my boyfriend told me he was coming to the apartment to help me clean after he finished his work out.  What an angel.  I knew soon I'd have help so I kept going.


I made it to the upstairs bedroom (my old bedroom, and my old bathroom) before the dogs started driving me nuts.  They were constantly barking, and the older one is scared of vacuums so you have to lock him in a room or he'll try to kill the vacuum when you turn it on.
Cleaning was next to impossible and I'd never attempted such a dirty apartment for no pay.  My energy is valuable.  When you have a chronic illness and a heart condition that causes debilitating fatigue, you have to be very careful about where you spend your energy.  Because once it's gone, it's gone.  (For a great explanation of productivity with a chronic illness, see The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino but you don't look sick)


After texting Ex-Ro and his girlfriend for help dealing with the dogs and getting no reply and a hateful reply (respectively), I texted my bf Daniel, telling him I was an inch away from saying "screw it".  Daniel called me, explaining that he had spoken to his rental manager, asking about my situation.  She told him that as far as she was concerned, I was in good shape from a judge's perspective if he (we) got evicted.


I feel like I'm smushed between a rock and a hard place.  Far be it for me to tell anyone how to keep their living space, but when I'm partially responsible to the owner, what else am I supposed to do?


So now, I've learned a lesson.  Think twice or seventy times before getting involved with someone you don't know, LEGALLY.  Also, if you're the "easier" one to deal with, all the responsibility will get put on you. **my rental manager keeps reminding me that I'm the primary on the lease, as if this gives me more accountability than Ex-Ro, which apparently is false.**


My next step is to meet with Rental Manager and tell her that she can do what she will but I have no control over the dude who is trashing the place, not to mention she is also partially responsible for allowing him to live there. 
The whole thing makes me sick, honestly.  I am ready to be done with the entire contract.  Lucky for me there are only a few months left.  I can't help but think of all the things that could have been solved with a little communication!  So to end this post I'd like to share the most entertaining/obnoxious/insane notes ever written to neighbors.


http://happyplace.someecards.com/3941/the-most-entertaining-obnoxious-or-completely-insane-notes-written-to-neighbors


Happy Monday y'all!!!