Butterflies
For those of you who did not know, I have Adult ADHD. My biggest challenges in coping with it are time management, planning, and strategizing to reach goals.WARNING: small tangent ahead
Rated: PG
Please, PLEASE spare me any comments such as "Oh I have that too!" or "Tell me about it, I can't sit still!" I don't ask this to be mean. I simply want to communicate this: ADHD is not one symptom, some of the time, (i.e. sometimes I fidget in class, sometimes I can't focus, sometimes I get distracted). It's also NOT something most people are happy/excited/bragging about, unless they've managed to work through the coping process and get their lives back in order.
The reality for me is that even on medication, my ADHD almost got me kicked out of my Graduate School program.
Butterflies continued...
For this reason, the first part of the day can be the most stressful for me. What am I going to do today? I have my list of things I need to do. Here come the butterflies. What do I do while I'm waiting for the sun to come up? Should I take a shower so I can leave right away? Should I take a run first? More butterflies. Will I have the energy to run later, if I don't do it now?!Monday Mornings
But it's not all negative, you see. The other part is wondering which book I should pick up and what I should blog about! How will I make a difference in the world today?! The biggest Butterfly that visits me EVERY Monday morning is called, "So much to do, so little time." Where do I start?In the past, this Butterfly has rendered me helpless. Analysis paralysis takes over and I spend the morning goofing off until 15 minutes before I need to leave the house.
The following is an excerpt from my latest book purchase, a "classic self-help book for adults with attention deficit disorder", aptly named You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! I like this because it's an affirmation of sorts, (good food for your subconscious). I can also use it to help me cope with my chronic illness on difficult mornings, of which there are many. The ability to turn a bad morning into a good day should be considered a superpower, in my opinion! The quote is by Cathy Better of Reisertown, Maryland.
Each day that we wake is a new start, another chance.
Why waste it on self-pity, sloth and selfishness?
Roll that day around on your tongue, relish the taste of its freedom.
Breathe deeply of the morning air, savor the fragrance of opportunity.
Run your hands along the spine of those precious 24 hours
and feel the strength in sinew and bone.
Life is raw material. We are artisans.
We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful,
or debase it into ugliness.
It's in our hands.
When I read this affirmation I think, "Ok! I can do this! I decide that today is going to be a great day!" Sounds easy, right? Read a poem, save the world!
Alchemy
So this morning, as I politely told my Butterfly of Indecision to take a hike, I picked up The Alchemist**. As usual, one of the first passages I read related to what I was dealing with at that very moment.(He refers to the shepherd):
"He still had some doubts about the decision he had made. But he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
Wow. So true.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings, I wake up at 4:30am, long before the sun rises. I thoroughly enjoy being up to watch the sunrise, simply for the feeling it gives me. It's empowering, signaling a fresh new day is here. The sun coming up says to me, "The world is your oyster! Now go make a difference today! Choose to make today special!
Where do I start? In the spirit of improving my time management skills, I have a list of weekly obligations to choose from. Plenty of different types of activities. But none of them seem like the best way to start such an important day!
Then the Universe hands it to me.
I think, "Hmm...I should write a blog post. I really want to improve my writing and I love connecting with people on that level." Then I look at the inside cover of the book.
"To realize One's destiny is a person's only obligation." - from The Alchemist
SWEET! The Universe just gave me permission to spend my morning blogging! I know I sound like a nerd but blogging is not just typing randomly on a page. Blogging and written communication remain two of my biggest challenges. They give me butterflies, as they're the type of challenge that get me locked-in, my heart racing, and my mind hyper focused. Pretty awesome stuff.
What are YOUR Monday Morning Butterflies telling YOU?
My intuition tells me there are two groups; people with Butterflies, and people without Butterflies.People with Butterflies are in the contemplation stage of change. I just learned about this in class last week. They are anxious/excited about something, but maybe not quite sure how to go about it, or unsure of what the next step is. They do acknowledge that something needs to change, and as such are at the very least aware of a sense of unease.
People without Butterflies are in the pre-contemplation stage of change. They don't believe there is a problem. First step is admitting there's a problem, and they've yet to take that step. Other people that fall into this category are those who have become comfortable being uncomfortable. You know who I mean. The ones who don't want help with their situation, they just want to bitch.
If YOU are lucky enough to be visited by these flirty fun creatures, do yourself a favor and listen to them. Holy cow this is so Gestalt. If your Butterfly could talk, what would he/she say?
In closing, I'll leave you with the great words of a guy I met at a summer program, (GSP alum holla). As I waited to take my turn on stage and sing "Take My Breath Away" in front of over 500 people, I remember telling him, "I'm nervous! I have butterflies in my stomach!"
Though I don't remember his name, he said something I'll never forget. This beautiful man said to me, "Then make them fly in formation."
Footnotes/Tangents
**The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho: One of three or four books I'm reading and listening to.# I'd heard of it before, and decided to read it when I heard Will Smith (one of my soul mates) give a glowing description of it. JSYK, the story is truly amazing for the person that is ready.
#@dhd@lert: I'm always reading more than one book. Also, when I really want to absorb the material I will listen to the audiobook (because my strongest learning style is auditory) in addition to reading it.
