The Universe Politely Asks You To Get Off Your Ass

I don't know about you, but I would never trust (or desire) that Inspiration is or could be anything but divine.  The idea it could come simply from synapses firing at Adam and Eve puts much more stock in physical beings than I could ever trust. As J. Madison said, "If men were angels,"...

That being said, I wonder if anyone else has ever experienced this phenomenon, where, in your most relaxed state, you can't stop coming up with the most mind-blowing ideas of the century, (or the day)? Maybe you've been meditating pretty regularly with intention to connect to the Source, (pretty much, what I attempt every other month.) Then, one day, you are swinging on your front porch under a clear and starlit sky and %$#!BAM!#$%. You just had the most amazing idea.  One that would surely put you up there with Rockefeller, if you only had the *cough cough* drive to realize it and capitalize on it.  You think to yourself, "Yeah, someone with lots of time and money could really make something out of that idea. It's a shame I don't have a ton of time or money."

You continue to swing on your porch, feeling a warm spring breeze blow through the trees.  You feel carefree and blissfully defiant, denying any responsibility for the role ideas play in humanity, not to mention the economy. Swing, back and forth, back and forth, and %$#!BAMBAM!#$% !  Another earth-shattering idea.  This one could change the nature of behavioral neuroscience and mental health as you know it!  It could help the autism epidemic and anyone suffering from abandonment, depression, or substance abuse!  You think to yourself, "Wow, that would be simply incredible.  I'd probably need a lot of influential people to help me connect all the dots.  I don't know many influential people, if any.  Oh well."  Another idea shortly after, and now you're starting to feel irresponsible.  How can you have this knowledge and not find a way to share it?

Why must the Universe do this to you?!  You are busy.  You are juggling so many very important things right now.  As you try to shake the accountability creeping into your body, well past the blood-brain barrier, you hear it.  The song.  This is the song that plays in my mind when this phenomenon takes place on, what are intended to be restful, evenings.  I Can't Stop - Flux Pavillion  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzExWz7KP5M

My Very Dearest Virtual Friends; I've come to find this massive influx of Inspiration is the Universe telling you something.  She is saying, with all the love in the cosmos, "Get off your ass!"

The Universe is telling you how to help humanity.  The Universe is gifting to you a unique idea, an idea that could only be gifted to you because of your one-of-a-kind lens with which you view this world.

I've decided that the Source is of the Behaviorist Theoretical Orientation, (making possible natural and logical consequences).

*For those of you who don't know, but would like to...*: Natural consequences are those things that happen in response to your child's behavior without parental involvement. These are imposed by nature, society, or another person. You do not actually deliver a natural consequence yourself. Instead, you allow nature or society to impose the consequence on your child by not interfering.

Child's Behavior	Natural Consequence
Refuses to wear mittens	Her hands get cold.
Refuses to eat dinner	She feels hungry.

Anyway, back to the Source.  People in today's society fuss night and day about waiting for their ship to come in, or payday, or the winning lottery ticket.  Just So You Know, the pattern seems to be, when you don't take advantage of inspiration, inspiration gifted to you by the greatest love ever known, the logical consequence is this: your ship does not come in, there is no payday, all because you never even bought a ticket.

Just So You Know,

Alicia

*And of course as I finish writing this, one of my favorite songs comes on the radio: Eminem's Lose Yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4Uv_4jGgAM

*Natural Consequences Information http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/training/natlog/nat02.htm

Computers vs The Human Brain and The Mind

There has been an ongoing debate about if or when a manmade computer will outsmart a human being.  This, Just So You Know, will never happen. 

Why not?  Well, what are the differences between a computer and a human?  There are plenty to choose from, however, I'm thinking particularly of computation and processing of data.  Can computers process and analyze data faster than a human being? Sure.  Can they be inspired? Absolutely not.  Here is why:

First, computers don't have pineal glands.  They don't have a connection to the Source, or Infinite intelligence.  Inspiration and ideas: where do they come from?  I believe ideas and inspiration are the product of combining previously held knowledge and beliefs with recently learned information. Computers are great for computing objective data, however they don't have the "software" of a human. What do I mean by “human software”? Let’s define “human software” as the subject worldview, perception, values, beliefs, and culture with which an individual filters new information.  Because of this, there will be ideas humans come up with a computer never can.

What about inspiration?  Where does that come from? I believe inspiration is divine.  Each persons’ life experiences gives them the “software” with which they filter new ideas, and when an individual allows it, the universe delivers a knowledge bomb (through the pineal gland I suspect).  The knowledge bomb is then filtered through the human software and BAM: Inspired idea!!!

Think about all the inspired ideas regarding technological innovation, the arts, medicine, and business.  Computers give us the ability to analyze and compute data at a faster rate than humans, absolutely.  However, the end to which they are computing data for was determined by an individual with an idea.

No pineal gland.  No autonomy to “allow”.  Computers may be faster, but humans are inspired.

The value of my time and integrity

I learned something about myself yesterday.

Over the summer I was very broke, taking on extra jobs to make some money. My grandparents were helping me with bills, but I still needed to feel like I was making a contribution.  I started cocktail waitressing poker nights and cleaning houses.  I have an incredible gift for making people feel welcome and at home, and an even greater gift for creating a warm and inviting energy in people's homes, through organization and cleaning.

I started charging $12 an hour, but quickly found I felt my time was worth more.

Shortly after school started, I realized the poker nights were not bringing in enough money per hour. *anyone who has been a server/bartender, as I have, knows that $20 an hour should be a good minimum.*

I could make $20 an hour easily by giving massages to men sitting at the table. I have a gift for massage as well, since I know my fair share of back pain. After my fourth dislocation of my left shoulder, I decided it wasn't in my best interests to put that strain on my body. I vowed not to give any more massages at poker nights, and it became extremely apparent where I was making the most money.

There was a particular poker night host, we will call him Mo, who took quite a liking to what I was able to do with his place (cleaning/ambiance wise) and the way I made his guests feel.  One day I suggested to him that each poker player contribute $5 on a night that I work, in order to bring the money up to par.  He said, "good idea, but no thanks. Just rest your shoulder."

Ok swell! I just won't work anymore poker nights.
Well, yesterday, Mo texted me. He asked if I could help him with his new apartment . He wanted it cleaned before he moved in. Said he didn't figure it would take me more than three hours. Three hours sounded reasonable because that's about how long I spent cleaning his past apartment. I took a leap of faith in the value of my time. Instead of $36 for three hours, I threw out $50. I said, "I can do it for $50, top to bottom, plus supplies." Realizing this was more than I'd asked for in the past, he hesitated before agreeing.

I picked up supplies (30 minutes and $70), went to his hotel, picked up the key, and then drove to the new apartment.

When I walked inside I was a little unnerved. This place was dilapidated and in need of SErious TLC.  I got to work. It was 6pm. About 2 hours in I realized I was going to need more magic erasers for the tub and let him know. He came by at 9 to get the key and give me money. I wasn't done yet but I told him I'd lock up behind me when I was done. "70 for supplies."  He handed me $60 and told me he'd have to owe me ten.  I asked, what about the labor? He looked confused so I quickly clarified.  "I told you I'd clean it for 50 plus the cost of supplies. I spent 70 on supplies." His response? "What did you buy?!"  He sounded indignant and annoyed.  This man had no concept of the transitioning that was happening upstairs.  I tried not to show my frustration, as this was the ThiRD instance of him not understanding the value of my time.
Doesn't this man know?  I could be saving the world right now! I could be studying for my test on Monday or exercising! I don't HAVE to clean his house!!!

I went back upstairs and for a millisecond, wanted to leave everything a mess and walk out. $50 and I'd spent three hours there. dOnE. Except, the familiar tug of my integrity pulled at my heart.

I put on some music and decided even though my hourly wage was dropping with every push of the mop and every squirt of windex, that apartment was going to look absolutely stunning by the time I left, no questions asked.

Fast forward another hour and 45 minutes later. The apartment has gone from dilapidated to charming. The wood floors are conditioned. The bath tub looks brand new.  My hourly wage is officially $10.52 not including gas or the time it took me to shop for supplies. I looked around and thought...I have really outdone myself.

I realized two things.  The first: my integrity won't allow me to do a job half assed.  This is important because when creating price structures for my future business, I know now, I will not be able to justify charging a lower wage and only putting in X amount of effort. My integrity will push me to always give 110%, so I need to charge accordingly.

The second: why do I love the before and after of houses that I put my energy in to? I have always been a sucker for potential. I see it in people all the time. I used to practically kill myself trying to help them see it or create a desire to reach it. A house can't choose. I can bring a house to its potential and it can't fight back. It's definitely a control issue. And so now I say to myself....LET iT GO Alicia!!!!!!

Last note about Mo - I very tactfully told him I wasn't cleaning houses anymore.
I asked him today if he'd seen it and he said "looks good"
I said "it doesn't look good, it looks phenomenal."

What has kept me from posting to a blog for so long? Well, I felt a very real pressure to have a theme/concept, yet I was having trouble with one that would provide the room I needed to be me and talk about what's on my mind.
Thanks to a series of life experiences over the past 25 years, I've come to terms with one thing I cant do: I am unable to fit into a box.  The whole is so much greater than the sum of the parts.  Whether its my family, education, passions, or values, I've yet to find a label or school of thought that encompasses the whole that is me and my spirit.
Thinking of this now, why in the hell did I think I would be able to nail down a "theme" for a blog?!
So now the story goes....the theme of this blog is everything and anything that I care to share with readers or admit to myself.  This is going to span a very wide range of topics, however I won't be offended if you don't pay attention to the topics you don't care about.  For this reason ill do my best with tags and such.  

I Failed at Therapy.

Have you ever been to therapy and found it didn't help at all?  Maybe you thought it didn't help as much as you'd hoped?  You left each session still feeling misunderstood, and now you're positive that you are simply beyond help. Before you go thinking that it's something you did, let me offer this.

For the past year my graduate program (Mental Health Counseling) has made a point for us to understand the importance of the “therapeutic relationship”.  This is because it directly correlates with the outcomes of therapy, more than counselor experience, theoretical orientation, anything else really.  It’s about 90% responsible for the outcome. The relationship between the counselor and client as perceived by the client is of paramount importance.  The client needs to feel that the counselor is with them every step of the way.  The client needs to feel not that they are being pushed from behind, pulled from in front, but simply that the counselor is beside them, wherever they choose to go.

Below you'll find the lyrics to a song that perfectly represents the therapeutic relationship from my perspective.  Before you American Idol haters focus on who sings the song, know that the song was co-written by Drew Pearson and Greg Holden.  

Home

­Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

  

If you tried to attend therapy and feel that you failed at it, or it failed you, try again.  Try a different therapist. Give them minimum a month before deciding that you feel good about it or not, but if you don't, DON'T hesitate to try someone else.  It's less about their experience, their theoretical orientation, or their gender.  Nothing matters more to the outcome than the space between you two.  That space should feel safe.  That space should feel like a home.

Many moons ago I had decided to try and hop on the blog train.  Thinking it was a great way to get ideas and thoughts out to the world, and being a highly opinionated person, I thought "Hey, why not?!" Multiple factors jumped to my attention after.  In creating a blog, you really should have someone edit your posts.  You should also engage your followers by asking them questions.  I just wanted a place to put my thoughts! I didn't realize there were so many facets to having a "good" blog.  Well, as I so often do, I let perfection be the enemy of good.  I didn't write anything else.  Too intimidated. Scared it would turn out poorly.  Here I am about a year later, and I've determined that other than my journal and letters to a friend overseas (aka my human journal), I still had too many ideas floating around and nowhere to put them that would satisfy my psyche.  So here goes round two.  If not perfect or good, than merely my place to just be myself.  Who could ask for anything more?

Dangerous D.C.

I've officially found the most dangerous place in D.C. 

If you don't move quickly enough, if you're not ready when they are, or if you're unsure, you will get hurt.
I live in a rent controlled apartment and there are always 2 security guards walking around my parking lot at night.  I feel safer there than I do at...

 a Starbucks in Downtown D.C. at 8:48 a.m.

A bunch of people who are not yet awake, running late in getting to what they think are extremely important jobs, who haven't yet had their caffeine, and if they don't start walking in two minutes because YOU are taking too long to order, or someone takes too long to make their Venti Iced Soy Chai Latte, they are going to be late for their SUPER important meeting at their Super important job. 

Not to say anything of the people who are employed there...Be ready for them because they're ready for you.  Don't look scared.  They can pick up on it.  And above all, if you're a repeat customer, have a few cents to throw in the tip jar...(preferably while they're looking).

Arm yourself.  Go at 8:30 am instead.